A True Giver of Gifts

A True Giver of Gifts

     When He left us, he left a legacy that will never be forgotten. My brother was many things; musician, scholar, pilot, captain, sailor, boat builder, fix-it guy, hard-worker, scuba diver, adventurer, traveler, businessman, missionary, protector, peacemaker... He loved to take old broken down classic cars and boats and even a VW bus, and make them look new again. 

     One of his most loved things to do, I think, was to give gifts. Perhaps it was his "love language"? He always gave thoughtfully. He always gave generously. He loved to be with us for Christmas, helping with all the last-minute wrapping and stocking-stuffing duties. He was a tireless giver. Many of his friends have stories of things he did for them, going great lengths to show his love for them, through his service. Even while he fought his battle with cancer, he thought more of others, than himself.

      I myself, received many gifts from my brother; wooden frogs that make music, from Belgium, and beautiful, framed embroidery. He once gave everyone in the family, beautifully handcrafted, wooden boxes for Christmas. I can only guess how many hours he spent making those. Many of his gifts were immeasurable, in terms of value. He gave my children the gift of a truly wonderful and loving uncle. An uncle to look up to. An uncle to emulate. What a special gift! My favorite gifts, and the ones I miss the most, are his laughter and his hugs.  

     You never expect someone so young, and so important to you, to die, like my brother did. He was the oldest of five siblings and we looked to him in every aspect of life, even if we didn't realize it at the time...

     He was a pillar in our family. He was IMPORTANT to us!! And when he lay dying I had an overwhelming feeling that he simply COULD NOT GO because everyone in the world should have a chance to know him first! 

     But he did go, and when he did, he left his painfully ill body behind. I saw the relief in his face. He was glad to go. Not glad to suffer and die, but glad it was over and he could go on to a much better place, free from pain and sorrow. 

     The pain of his suffering and death is a pain I shall never forget. It traumatized me in a way that I never saw coming. I couldn't make sense of it. He didn't deserve to die that way!!! My heart knew agony for the first time and it nearly broke me. 

     But I am not broken. And I am not destroyed. In fact, I am stronger today, than I was before he died... and I would like to tell you why...

     Not long after my brother died, I found a quiet moment to meditate and pray. I was trying to find some peace in the midst of my anguish. This is what I found:

Josiah is not dead.

His spirit, 

his true self, 

lives!

His life was not his own,

it was only on loan

from God.

Josiah never lost his faith

even though I'm sure 

it sometimes wavered.

God grants us all

an unknown amount

of time on this earth.

None of us is here

forever.

Someday, we will all 

finish our time here

and go back to our 

Heavenly Home

with God.

DEATH

IS

A

PART

OF 

LIFE!

     And that's when it hit me, really, really hit me!! That everyone I love, will someday leave this world and return to God. Even me. Even my husband. Even my Children...

And when I die I want to be where they are! I want to be with them again! I don't want to be separated forever from the ones I love! 

     And so I made peace with God. I accepted his will for the first time in my life (really accepted it!) and thanked him, with all of my heart, for the time I have here, for the people he has put into my life! I thanked him for all of the JOY I experience here! For all of the challenges that make me stronger! I even thanked him for the sorrows, because nobody gets a sorrow free life; and I would take all the sorrows for the pure joys I have experienced here!

      I thanked him for the time that I got to spend with my brother, and that I was able to know him, even if the whole world did not... 

      I focus more on gratitude now, rather than loss, and my faith has grown and my heart is comforted! 

     I still deeply miss my brother. I still need him! But I am also happy in knowing that our separation is only temporary. Death does not scare me! When I die, HE will be there, ready with his best gifts... ~laughter and hugs~.